you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
