Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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