So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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