This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
