Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
