I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she told me i tasted like america
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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