I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
