The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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