So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
