I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
