Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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