ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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