my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
handjob tips. give me some.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
