There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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