Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
