Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
