Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
