Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
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she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
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WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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