Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
