Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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