READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
