ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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