You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
