That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
