woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
