I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
