Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
