Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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