you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
