insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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