y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she peed on how many people?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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