id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
