i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
