i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
