He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
