I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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