shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Congratulations! We have a period
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