mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
