Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
