Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
