I don't usually arrange sex via text message
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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