Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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