He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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