I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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