i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
