Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
