I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i think i just lost a toe
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
