need another drink. this is the easiest way
My hand turned me down
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
