So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
