If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
