Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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