I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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