I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
