Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
