I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
