Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
