the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?