Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist