I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
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she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
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Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.