Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.