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• (850): View more from Florida

  I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.

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• (925): View more from California

  I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.

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• (805): View more from California

  Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?

  (805): View more from California

  and why are they spooning a flamingo?

  (714): View more from California

  they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.

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